"mind over body, body over soul"

Friday, October 29, 2004

n i din even realize i act put her name in the previous post.

lyk, so clearly.

n no one told me.

hope no one read it.

eh, she read it wat.

wait. it cant be dat she read it larh.

muz be sum1 tell her.

coz she doesnt noe my blog addie.

n even if she does,

y wud she wanna read the blog of sum1 she hates?

in the end, i still haven wish her luck face2face.

heh.

n im more dan happy not 2 live dis life.

i'll gif it 2 the cancer kids willingly.

but i want my heart.

coz they are inside.

n im so NOT going fer ROD.

not dat any1 cares anw.

-shamita
7:23 PM

im not coming back fer anything.

maths or npcc or 2 c her.

im not coming.

i dnoe wat 2 say.

i juz nid francesca now.

but im not bothering her.

haiz.

at least, in msia, i wont have internet connection.

nothing can stop my tears now.

not even if .she says i love u.

.you

happy anniversary.

-shamita
7:18 PM

Thursday, October 28, 2004

and .you, go count the days to ur anniversary.

evryone can juz ~~fuck~~ off.

except my sistars.

i hate .you

argh.

-shamita
3:26 PM

i swear i wouldnt mind if you would juz stab me now.
i really dont mind if its you.

-shamita
3:23 PM

haiz. im dying larh.

tskk.

i dnoe.

i tink shes being sarcastic.

n i cant stand it.

why dont u juz kill me?

at least, itz lyk,

[SHE] killed me.

oh no, u wont.

have u decided to make me suffer?

n die bit by bit?

argh.

dis is so sick.

spoke 2 sum sec4 i noe.

but she doesnt noe me.

asked her bot [her].

haiz.

most prolly,

i wont get 2 c her again.

ive got so much in my mind now.

n my heart feels heavy.

im sick of crying.

i suddenly seem 2 hate evry1 around.

dnoe why.

except my sistars larh. duh.

haiz. i dnoe.

I DNOE.

dont .you understand?

u noe i love u.

but i guess ur too busy.

counting days 2 ur anniversary.

i didnt ask fer much frm u.

juz a take care or something.

but u chose 2 say wateva.

heh. how nice.

dis is how life shud be.

n im not going fer any shit in sch frm nxt week.

im going fer holiday.

coz im so tired of being here.

-shamita
1:49 PM

Tuesday, October 26, 2004

[her]

i was wrong abt evrything all along.

i neva was right.

i tot i'll be ok when she leaves.

i convinced myself dat i dun luv u nemore.

i tot i dun nid u in crescent.

i tot there was nothing left to say.

but only when u left, did i realize,

i love u. u mean alot to me.

and all this while, my fear kept me frm speaking up.

pple tink im playing around. yes, i did.

but i neva played when it came to u.

it was true all along. evrything i said.

theres so much i havent said. n im dying fer u 2 noe abt it all.

but evrytym i c u, evrything is forgotten.

evrytym i c u, im in a completely different world.

only when ur not dere do i realize,

dat i haven told u a thing.

i juz cant go on dis way.

i cant be hoping 2 c u evrytym.

deres juz lyk 2days left b4 sch closes.

seriously, u neva acknowledge my presence.

i dun even exist 2 u. why?

dun u noe ur da one i love most?

why dont you understand? or do you?

i dnoe.

all im saying is, ilu.

no one noes how dis feels. no one will ever be in dis situation.

[.her]

ilu.

how long will i wait.

despite knowing dat we will never be?

-shamita
7:17 PM

ashlee simpson - lip-synching?? no way.

din go 2 sch tday.. argh.. tskk..

if i dun get t see her again, i'll NEVER forgive myself.

heh. ashwini saw her!! im a jealous gurl. "_"

hahah.. will be going out l8er.. ((:

hope she does well fer her oratorical finals too.

not really a good day..i feel hopeless as usual.

no mood t go t sch or anything. i juz wanna c her..

dats all.. haiz.. pls come again..

ur da one i tink abt 24hrs and 7days.

i love you. dont you understand?

i feel so hopeless evrytime i

approach u 2 explain things n all i

ever do is walk away silently.

how hopeless can i get, i wonder.

-shamita
10:32 AM

Monday, October 25, 2004

back. holiday was.. good?? ((: had a good break tho she was always on my mind. overall, it was good. yepp.. i dun wanna go 2 sch 2moro.. but i wanna go coz i wanna c [her].. i got so mnay fun stuff planned fer 2moro till i found out dat shes coming 2moro.. begged darrling 2 come 2 sch.. i even offered her a usher - confessions cd. but her mommy said no. haiz.. i very bored w/o her.. all this while, we pon 2gether n go 2gether.. aiya.. went shopping at lot1 2day.. bought a wallet which cost me a BOMB n winnie the pooh stuff.. ((: heh. den watched cinderella story at home.. its awesome!! coming back 2 2moro, will i sacrifice having fun 2 seeing her fer less than 5mins? a whole day of fun 2 5mins of seeing her.. hmm.. mommy doesnt want me 2 go either.. not feeling well.. on-off fever.. which means i wont be doing mass run 2moro? dnoe larh. went bloghopping juz now.. read .her blog.. act, i dnoe y the heck i read it. coz im so totallie not happy.. but i cant say anything, can i? reading [her] blog made my heart wanna explode. yeah. dats the feeling of dnoe wat. so farnie larh her blog.. lol.. reminds me.. spoke 2 ena!! n i juz noe dat the pix of [her] is in [her] camera itself. i wanted to hang myself. aiyo. n darrling said, "dun wori.. i'll kol her n gif u t tok 2 her.." ahems. dun u noe me enuff? do u tink i'll tok? heh. so now, will i, or will i not, go 2 sch 2moro?

-shamita
7:23 PM

Friday, October 22, 2004

what did i do to hurt you?

why are you hurting me continuously?

u dont care at all.

my love doesnt mean anything to you.

and u wont even care if i die.

i suck..i hafta fuck off and die.

you hate me.

right?

thankew.

its all over now.

its the end.

we are not even friends.

i dnoe you, you dnoe me.

this is all i get, fer loving you.

will be going off t msia 2nite..

how will i enjoy my holiday,i dnoe..

n i juz stopped crying coz of ystrday.

she juz had t make my eyes tear again.

heh. yuani..where r u??

missing you more each day.

-shamita
8:06 PM

i spent 4 long hours on this blogskin. hahah..

im worn out.

had fever ystrday nite.. so didnt go 2 sch 2day..

will be going msia fer 2days..

i'll miss you, yuani.

who is gonna listen 2 me tok crap except you?

who is gonna help me besides francesca?

who is gonna gimme hugs besides francesca?

who is gonna make me laugh even when im crying?

who makes me feel better each time im down?

you, liu yuani.

ilu, sistar!!

and you too francesca!! i miss ya loads..

all da best fer ur o lvls dearie!!

and, happy news.

ive let go of her..

thanx to yuani, diana and sue fer their advice n help.

3s3 rox!! heh.

really.. she isnt worth it.. she doesnt care at all..

n i dun care too.. ((:

hahah.. i still love [her] tho.

kaykay..gotta chow.

happy 2nd anniversary diana and sue!!

((:

-shamita
3:06 PM

You are a cutter... Sometimes you feel that your
only friend is that razor you keep hidden...

What Type of Self-Mutilation Are you?(Warning:Triggering Pictures)
brought to you by quizilla

-shamita
11:39 AM

Thursday, October 21, 2004

i never existed to you.

theres no difference to that even now.

what did i do besides love you?

why does it feel as if you hate me?

actually, you do.

terrible day..

dnoe..

i dun feel lyk saying anything tho i haf lots of things in my mind. heh. im going insane. infact, i am psychotic now. tskk.. dnoe.

-shamita
9:23 PM

i feel like staying in woodbridge and rot there. i swear.

why dont you understand?

no one to cheer me up now.

i lurve my 2 sistars.

coz dey never fail to cheer me up.

unlike joyene who only says, "ok".

whatever.

-shamita
3:10 PM

waiting in the library..fer you.
tho i disnt wish u luck, u shud reallie noe dat i always wish the best 4 you.. ((:
ilu.

-shamita
1:08 PM

Wednesday, October 20, 2004

wont you come?

i go 2 da library evryday, hoping 2 c you but u dun seem 2 be coming.. haix. i juz cant get enuff of you n lyk i said, all the things have not been said yet..

my knee is hurting. haix. its hurting after 2days. heh. im limping.. tskk. but i'll juz try fer mass run if cannot den cannot larh.. spoke 2 ena 2day!! ((: shes reallie nice.. so understanding. -winkx

so, had maths 2day. mr phua went thru sa2 ppr n i tot it was sa1 pls. lol. i realize dat mr gau oni has one thing 2 tell our class evrytym he comes. "clean up ur classroom" heh. i tink im getting meaner each day. coz im act dissing sum1?? gosh. i'll be nice n stop... (: my knee is hurting so much i tink i mite not go 2 sch 2moro.. but im going.. coz she got science prac n i wanna c her.. (: fer her, i'll go.

[determination]

if you cant get thru the mountain, try going around it. if you cant go around it, try going over it. if you cant go over it, ask yourself if getting over to the other side all that impt. if it is, set your heart and soul out to dig a tunnel thru it.

[.her]

no hopes at all. its time to let go of dis love. i noe i can.

we are not meant to be.

-shamita
6:13 PM

Tuesday, October 19, 2004

``sunshine thru the rain.*]]

-shamita
8:18 PM

wahh.. din blog fer a long time.. oh wells.

btw, u pple arh, DONT read my blog larh.. so kpo fer wat. i neva said i lyk u all anw..

kay.. hmm.. lets recap the impt things.

[exams]

was ok i guess.. results were quite good actually.

i flunked maths.. d7.. but its kinda expected rite..

had mostly a2s.. yeap.. btw, my darrling got highest

in the whole lvl eh.. so smart arh.. i poisoned her mind..

gosh. we r both notty now.. act, im better dan her.

coz i dun fold my skirt n my socks. hahah. highest in the lvl

so notty arh..

[btc]

was ok oso.. but very tiring pls. aiyo. heh. learnt many

things. n the rope obstacles were the worst.. i was so scared.

hahah.. but i did it!! heh. frankly, i didnt lyk the last firedrill larh.

middle of the nite run here n dere. lol. n i haf a crush on HER.

gosh. dat is so.. pathetic. n i tasted her saliva. lyk wth?

my lil moments of insanity.. i'll 4get her as soon as she is bad 2

me larh. heh..

[friends]

hahah.. reallie.. dey r da ones hu r making me smile

tho it doesnt really last. thanx alott pple.. heh.

u all so nice.. hee.. i love our lame games esp..

hahah.. our hangman sessions n toilet-going sessions..

i esp appreciate the fact dat u all dun mind spending

25mins at da library fer me while i pray 4 her 2 come.

love ya all..

[darrling]

gee. i neva tot u'd lyk me. as in, i dnoe larh.

but sowwie coz i love someone else ready arh..

but, i still make u happy by flirting rite?? LOL.

but seriously, i love her alott.. n its not frm 1g2!!

she loves sum1 else larh but i love her too..((:

but den, im trying hard 2 let go n if i manage to,

im sowwie but the love will still be dere..

we can continue our flirting sessions tho. -winkx

[chendol]

u wont be reading dis but i wanna say dat i

really dunno if i love u or not.. if i do, it isnt in crk

way.. yupp.. uve taken over my life now.. till graduation

assembly, i tot i wont miss you since i love .her.. but i

was wrong.. coz now, u mean more 2 me.. n im so confused

myself.. i dunno wat i want.. n i neva tot i was dis hopeless..

i wanna tell u soo many things but when i saw u dat day

in the library, i walked out silently. w/o looking back..

n even if i dun manage 2 overcome my fear n wish u luck

fer ur o lvls, u shud reallie noe, dat i always wish the best

for you..

issit obvious who is chendol now??

and this is to let the whole world noe,

mandy and xin qian maam, sec1s love u guys. we appreciate what ur doing. u guys rawk. ((:

tho sometimes i juz cant make it due to things bothering me.

but, very tiring larh. heh.

``~~dont leave.~~*]]

..everythings left unsaid..

-shamita
7:40 PM