So many things running thru my head that I think it will burst any moment.
Firstly,da "lecture" Xiao Yuan ma'am gave me.Not really lecture la...juz advicing I guess...She was lyk"Y r u cutting urself 4 pple hu r..."I donno la.She was juz telling me not to cut.She ask me 2 promise her.I neva.Coz I dun wanna gif her the promise n den go n cut lorx...I respect her.I was listening to her all the while ok.Ma'am dun wori.I was NOT looking at (her).Lolz.She ask me if she can tok 2 (her) abt dis.Hu in the ryt sense of mind will say "yes"?I say no den she say she hafta tell Thaya ma'am.I dun mind my ncos knowing but not other pple.Lyk (her) n [her].Oh..pls tell me dey dun read my blog.Pls...Nah...Jo u lying ryt?Hu am I to (her) n [her]?Juz a freaky person.Y wud dey read mi blog?If I eva find out dat dey read my blog,I'll neva blog in peace again...Dey probably dun even noe mi blog add...Afterall,I'm juz a freaky person 2 dem.Y do pple lyk 2 think lowly of themselves?I neva thout lowly of miself till I find out dat I'm freaky frm (her).Since den,I've been hating myself.Second thing is that...I hate myself.Juz now recess,I was a total freak.I ran away frm (her) n den started crying in the toilet.Y did I cry?Even thinking of that incident has made me cry now.I'm a total freak.Y am I lyk dis infron of her?Y cant I juz look at her face?Y do I lyk her soo much?Y do I hafta see her?Y does [she] hafta laugh?Y do I hafta cry fer that? I can ask dis questions that I'll neva be able 2 answer 4 a long tym.But I dun wanna.I didnt noe that there were soo many pple hu care abt me.Thakew soo much pple.I'll try not 2 cut miself.I cant promise though..Xiao Yuan ma'am was really so scared of mi scars lorx...Haha. I really haf started believing wat Farah said abt [her].It does seem to be true.Den...I juz noe tt (she) dun lyk jnrs lyking her.I respect her desicions n wishes so one more tym I be clumsy infron of her,I'm gonna kill myself.Betta greet her immediately n SIT DOWN.[or atleast WALK away]Itz so obvious I'm running away frm her.tsktsk.I'm brain-less n FREAKY.I'll alwaes think I'm freaky until I'm soo sure that she doesnt think of me as freaky.She has sucha great impact on me.Actually,y shud I suffer if (she) n [she] dun wanna tok 2 me.Aiya...I dun dare look at her face frm 2 or 3 metres away oso.I dun expect her to tok to me coz I'll probably faint.But [her]...
I dun ever wanna go back 2 sch.I dun ever wanna look at (her).I cant.I'm sucha foolish n freaky person hu cant control herself in (her) matter.N I cant belief Dinie lyks her...Haha.Get over her ok Dinie...I noe itz hard though...=p
Maths test 2moro.My studies r ok now I guess.Haf been good recently.Juz need to realize that my tears n blood r not worth it coz dey wun change..Looks lyk I've lost faith...(she) I noe la...Cannot tok.The other one oso I shud not wori lyk what Xiao Yuan ma'am say.What will Thaya ma'am say?I dun want any trouble that's y I neva tell many pple.N that's y I dun think my ncos shud not tok 2 (her) abt dis.I dun want anything frm her ok.That's all I guess.Hope 2moro is a better day...Oh ya,her tag board is soo yuckx..Dun wanna think abt it.
Hey...
M in a rush coz gotta go kol Jo.2dae I was soo foolish can?I deserve it 4 lyking the wrong person I guess.N Hidayah's sis was telling me abt [her].I cut myself coz of [her].So terrible.tsktsk.Den,I've been soo bad 2 all my frens lately coz of her.I very sad coz of [her]...Especially Shamini.Sorry ok?Ma'am lyk rote smthing abt her.Eeww!1st tym I'm kinda pissed wif her.She doesnt want me lyking her n me being hapi.Wateva crap.Farzanah ma'am is soo nice lorx..Haha.Glad 2 move beside her class.Most of the nice pple r my ma'ams.How sad...Ya...nthing much xcept the foolish thing I did.Farah is soo chio.Haha.Gotta go now...Dinie...dun care abt her blog entry.As in,dun worry, not dun care...
Blah blah...
I hate myself.I hate that gal from 4C2.She cud haf juz mind her own pasal n leave that pencil dere!!-sigh-I wanna kill her fer taking it manx...So pissed.Oh yeah,got a letter frm Jo.She's kinda cute in a way.In the morning,Dinie darling passed me thier conversation.Was soo sad.She was soo sure that I'm a freaky person.I hope everyone is happie now.Especially her.Everyone thinks I'm a freak but I didnt mind.But,when she thinks I'm a freaky person,itz totally different.No one noes abt dis xcept secret fren n Dinie.How will I tell pple??I noe she wun go wrong...I am a freak...I hope everyone is happy now..I hate myself.I was crying the whole nyt..Dinie..thanx 4 trying to cheer me up but dun bother coz I'm freaking sad.U noe how much I lyk her dunch ya?I wish [ex]chiobu will come n tok 2 me.I miss her soo much.But the prob is dat,she wun.Dun wanna tok abt her.Jo was oso telling me she is mad abt [ex]chiobu.I was lyk...another gal who is gonna suffer...[ex]chiobu is not bad la...But,I juz donno y she neva tok 2 me.Jo tell me tat [ex]chiobu is a crook.Can belief?!!I dun noe if I wanna belief her.She's cute n she lyk juz noes me.She tell me [ex]chiobu said I'm crazy wen she ask y I lyk ma'am soo much.Waddaheck?! She is already killing me n now making me suffer even more by telling dis kinda things 2 pple.Afterall,what the toot did I do to her?Can she juz tok 2 me?I really wanna tell her that I hope she's hapi that she thinks I'm a freaky person.Blah blah.I'm still angry wif her classmate ok.She cud haf just left that pencil dere..I was lyk dis mad gal shouting that itz mi pencil[even though it isnt].I want it!!U noe what?I seriously think that I shud apologise 2 her as she seems to be pissed wif me.Is that y she isnt toking to me?I'll try my very best to face her n say sori to her.4 now,SORI [EX]CHIOBU...(she's still chio la..not as special as b4 though..)Nothing can ever be the same again between us.
I hate myself!!I really hate myself!!!
But at least,she said itz ok...=)
Oath-taking.
It was nice...So proud to be a full-fledged member of CrezNP.[at the same tym,quite sad coz cant tok 2 her]Nevamine...Wat nevamine?Smack u den u noe...Say nevamine wen u cant tok 2 the person u luv the most more dan anything else in dis world n the person u respect soooo much?!!Coming back,oath-taking ryt...we take the oath n play games.Many things happen in between pertaining to me n Zakiah ma'am which only Dinie n my squaddies noe.
Crez Awards soo nice.Actually,Dinie is soo nice.We sat behind the ma'ams den
dey keep looking at me.I noe y.They tink I'm dere 2 see dat maam.But,I was dere 2 see her hair lah...So nice.But,I'm NOT THE BLAH PERSON HU TAG HER BOARD!!Ya.I was signaling 2 Thaya ma'am to ask her if I can sit soo close 2 the ma'ams n if I hafta greet dem.Den dat ma'am turned lorx...I so scared dan I immediately turned away.Thaya ma'am is soo understanding.She noe I'm bloody scared of Zakiah ma'am n she came up 2 me.We were lyk toking lorx...Den she say itz not respect not 2 greet.I go dere,stand beside Zakiah ma'am[got no choice.She sit at the side]& den"Gd evening ma'ams"Lolz.I was soo scared n after dat I run back.[tsktsk]I cried ok.Can't belief.Y shud I cry fer a person hu hates me soo much?I think dis is gonna go on 4eva.Me staring at her n she staring at me.Stoopid shit!So pissed.Yeah!I finally hugged Michelle[on stage summore]!!Not in the mood to blog coz I'm soo sad lah...She din even say a word 2 me...I noe.Itz understandable but I...juz so sad.Overall,yesterday was very nice.[till crezawards ended]2dae totally sux xcept 4 the fact dat dinie soo sweet.
I hate myself!What 2 do?She is too shuai that my fren thout she was nurul ma'am's boyfren.Haha.Shall blog 2moro...I dun wanna go sch actually.How 2 face her??Kol her olli sum more?!But...I not sure so nvm.
Eee!!
Nothing.Some ppl wanna embaress pple in public manx..So freakin bad.N pple oso wanna hate pple 4 no logic reason.Yuckx.4get it...
Ya,ok.When I was leaving sch juz now,I saw Maznah.I totally 4got her coz I met her on the 1st day of sch ok.I haf bad memory.She ask me y I neva join hockey.She say she really want me to be in hockey n blah blah.I was lyk.."do u noe me?"Den her fren laugh n laugh soo much.Lolz.Den I remember her lorx...I was telling her how much NPCC rox den I went outta sch.Guess hu I saw??Whee!!So happy.She's soo chio.Lolz.Ofcourse,hu can chio-er dan Francesca??She n Heiman maam r 2 of the chio-est pple in the world manx..2moro...swear-in.Oh ya,finally got my clothes fer Crez awards.Juz gonna pull on my casual wear...Thaya maam say we muz participate in the games[if dere is] at the oath-taking wif enthusiasm.Do I look lyk a enthusiastic gal??But ofcourse,I dun wanna let my ma'ams down.I hope got no games.Lolz.Gotta go n re-memorize NPCC pledge n March.Bye!!
::Francesca Rawkz::
Heya.....
My nose is aching sooo much.Sucha bad flu,cough n sore throat tt Mandy ma'am laughed at me wen I greet her.tsktsk.Juz finish drill practise.-sigh- It was terrible manx...The dae I waited for 4 soo many days is 2moro n I'm here soo terribly ill.How now?As if I'm not gonna go fer NPCC.No matter in wat condition,I'll go 4 NP unless itz so terrible tt I cant walk animore.My squaddies all very enthu abt NP oso.(xcept some...)Donno when I'm gonna complete CS hw..Whee...Francesca said I'm cute(in her blog).Cool...Many pple sae I'm cute but I neva get hapi.Only when Francesca said I'm cute I felt soo glad.Juz now during drill practise,Iffah was shouting 2 her fren tt she luvs her n Shafina maam n Rebecca maam were dere.They thout Iffah was tellin dem I think.We all started laughing.Haha.Donno wat 2 wear 2 Crez awards.N 2moro swearing-in to NPCC.U noe wat,I dun get soo xcited nowadays wen I c maam.YaY!Actually,shall not tok abt her.2dae they koled me during recess.I was soo surprised.I sae hie back lorx..Dun think they really meant tt hie thingy.Probably they were makin a fool of me.Yeah.I noe...Itz too good to be true...-sigh- Dun wanna think abt dem.I avoid her soo much tt now I cant even c her.I'll run away manx...**** maam 2dae...So funny.I've stopped being close 2 her since the 2nd NP meeting but she still wanna be lovery-dovey frens wif me.She's not really serious abt NP.I noe.N shes already sec 3!N she has 2 good ncos.I greet her n she say hello.She dun noe tt mi squad mate was beside me n she was lyk...y is dat maam saying hello 2 u?!Lolz.Kaes....btw,I'm in sch comp lab now.Gotta go home cuz my dad will be home 2dae.Hiax...hate it when mi parents are home.They torture me 2 death.N...I miss chiobu alot I guess.Cant 4get her.I'm not gonna be carried away....Byez...
Feeling quite sad now...I'm soo stupid.2dae no Maths test n I study.But at least it helped me to catch up wif the things I've missed.Lookin 4 a blogskin now.Haix..tired.Nothing 2 ryt.Feeling very sad coz of everything.My life is really crap manx..Going after dis person n tt person...-sigh-tsktsk. Ya...the 2 pple ah...Every I go,they look at me lyk I'm dis krazy person.tsk.Everywhere I go,they're dere staring at me.Wat 2 do??One of dem is my ma'am.Can't do anithing...Finally,I'm concentrating on my work but she still sorta bothers me.If she was dere 4 me lyk last tym,I'd feel so nice...Still hafta get on wif lyf even though she's not around 2 guide me..Saw the NPCC board n I was freaked.I hafta take soo many tests.Better start studying...
>>2 daes to NPCC Swear-In<<
Was surfing the net n came across dis..poem which reallie made sense.
If loving u is wrong,
My heart does not noe what is ryt
I cry myself to sleep
Every second of the nyt
What is there to do?
What is there to say?
I noe I can't haf u
But I still gif my heart away
I'd walk a thousand miles
N cry a thousand tears
Juz to noe ur love
Will be waiting 4 me
But what is there to feel?
When u dont feel the same?
I noe I can't haf u
But still I gif my love away
U are my dream come true
I wished upon a star 4 u
But what am I to noe
If U really love me so
I noe I can't haf u
But I still gif myself away
By:Ebbe Perales
Heya...
Finally using the net again.Juz went fer check-up.They ask us 2 take out our shirts.Haha.The class was lyk....aiyo...I'm ok wif it.Itz no big deal.Den,I went inside n took off my shirt.The nurse took soo long to come in so I decided to...dance.I was singing toxic den I was dancing.The nurse came in n she was lyk..."'gal...straight pls." L0lz.So funny.Shamini was soo nervous.2dae,in quite a ok mood.Not pissed wif anyone.I feel betta after confessing on the blog to her.Take evrything off my mind...I need 2 hand in the cs hw liaos...So lazy.Mass run was ok 2dae.Shamini ALWAYS gets lost den I've to wait 4 her.Den,she'll become tired n I muz stop oso.Tsktsk.Haf Mths test 2dae.-sigh- I'm not quite sure abt the algebraic expressions.Hope I pass.Ya,that's abt it.Gonna go surf the net now...
>>2 daes to NPCC Swear-In<<
-Soo excited-
Hafta make a quick confession to someone who probably wun read dis but since I cant go up 2 the person n tell her...
"I'm so sori fer avoiding u.It's not that I dun miss u coz everytime I see u n prevent myself frm toking to u,I really feel soo bad n I miss u terribly.I miss u alot ok...I can't bring myself up 2 u n tell u wat I've juz said.So...ya.I dont noe if ur pissed wif me.If ur...den,sori."
I'm sucha loser.Cant even face her after avoiding her fer soo long.N I miss her now.Gotta blog quickly coz actually I'm studying fer that stupid Maths test 2moro.Hope I pass at least in dis thingy.Or I'll feel lyk a loser even more.Very displeased wif myself 4 avoiding her.The prob wif me is I cant 4get her totally.Oh shit.I really hafta go.
First time haf I known how an unwanted hug feels lyk.Eeww!So freaky!She hugged me thrice 2dae n I was soo helpless coz I dun wanna hurt her feelings.It felt lyk...I juz felt lyk we were crooks.Sick.Totally sick!!Pple if my hugs haf freaked u...den sori.Bubye.
Miss u loads....Can u pls make the first move of toking 2 me? Please.
>>3 daes to Swear-In to NPCC!<<
2dae...I'm very disappointed wif myself coz of dis morning.Er...nvm.Shall not elaborate on dat.Lessons so boring..I better start concentrating in my work coz I noe I've slacking in my studies.I'm always being dreamy coz of the both of them.But now that I've managed to control myself,I think I shud start workin hard.Whee!!I passed my English test very well.Congratulations!!Lolz.That's abt it I think.Peer leading ryt...that special thing I brought was a pic of her.Simply coz she's special 2 me.Hannah was lyk...duh!Hannah so nice.Always gif me hugs..She fell dwn 2dae during mass run.She injured herself so badly n she din cry.WoW!Was playing wif mi squad mates fer a very long tym.So fun!N I keep seeing HM ma'am 2dae.Soo many times.She's really chio...I greet her den she greet me back.Den I..ma'am,itz alredi afternoon.Then she re-greet me.Lolz.Embaress her.Gotta go readi...
>>4 daes to NPCC swear-in<<
I'm freaking pissed wif her.I noe she doesnt lyk me n itz not that I still go around bothering her.She ask my fren if it was my recess.It seems that she sorta sighed when she hurt that itz mi recess according to my fren.Am I still bothering her??I dont ok.I'm juz minding my own pasal now.Whatz this man?C'mon...she can do that ryt infront of mi fren.Haf I ever did sumthing that wud affect her image b4?Why is she doing this 2 me??I'm freaking pissed n no one knows y.Not even a single soul noes the exact details.If she didnt wanna tok 2 me n I left her alone n now she's giving pple a hint that she doesnt lyk me n I'm dis awful person?? Reallie ok,4get it.I'm not gonna bother myself.She used to make me soo hapi wif wateva she did n now shes constantly hurting me.What did I do?I'm only guilty fer lyking her wif all of my heart.Her fren sorta called me 2dae n that time I was crying coz I was soo...annoyed I donno wat 2 do.When is she gonna make me happi again?I dun think I'll eva gif up on her.There will still be a bit of hope no matter how much I get over her.Why dont she juz kill me?Shes killing me day by day n y dont she do it once n fer all??I dare not ryt many details abt her coz I tink her fren read mi blog frm wat she sms me de other dae.Kaes...juz very pissed that I haf nothing else on my mind.N wat can I do even if I'm angry?Hur...4get it!
~I.shall.wait.4.u.2.kill.me!~
In comp lab now...I'm gonna fail c.s lyk this manx...Everytime neva pay attention n even if I do,I wun understand wat Ramanan is speaking.His english is...itz juz weird.I'm pleased wif myself.I did not go krazy when I saw her n her juz now. Yay!I wasn't really looking fer them both also.F.ma'am ah...she very...I cant xplain.She saw me in the toilet n came 2 the same toilet n I cant use the same toilet as my ma'ams.I greet her den go out n her fren ask me y I neva greet her.Halo?!I greeted her ok?Coz itz their 1st year being koled ma'am n I noe they wanna be greeted by sec1s.I dont blame them...Was toking abt that ma'am when suddenly this person look at me.Itz a sec 3 ma'am.Aiyo...muz not tok abt pple I lyk in public la..At least,I'm not crazy over anione now..Very pissed wif donno who...Hafta carry back all my bks again..Sigh..1st day of term2...quite ok.Still got many hw to hand up 2moro.U noe what,no one seems bad 2 me now afterall..Haha.Ok...that's all fer now.I wish l8er got no PBL.I'm kinda feeling lazy n sleepy 2dae.Lolz.Finally,I got the Adobe photoshop thingy.Ma'am's hairstyle soo cute in that way.I just made her face ugly...Haha.Juz playing around.Watched Tomb Raider yesterdae.Very nice...Especially,Lara.I wanna be lyk dat...Shamini cut her hair.She tell me dun cut my hair n now she cut her hair..tsktsk.But,I think she looks betta lyk dis.She cud haf cut her hair even shorter.Then will look betta.Lolz.Geez,m getting late fer Science.Gotta go!
>>6 daes to swearing into NPCC<<
I donno whatz my mood 2dae.Not really happy n not sad.Finally,I have completed my homework.Fer now,I cant stop laughing coz she update her blog abt the events.Haha.Imagine her falling..Lolz.Thaya ma'am told us abt the tug-of-war thingy also.Lolz.She fell again.Haha n she won a boi ok.C'mon,itz a big deal,ain't it?A..gal winning a boy?Lolz.I wanna be lyk her in future.She has alot of stamina manx...So cool..I think I watched Kal Ho Naa Ho more than 10 times.I'm being serious here ok.The movie soo nice.I cant wait 4 next Saturdae.When will it come??U noe I cant wait 2 be in sec4 n also go fer npcc promo.Everyday,I practise my knot n every Sat go n practise switch-side window.2moro hafta go 2 sch.I donno if i'm hapi or sad abt it.Hapi that I can see all the pple I miss terribly...But I wanna rest some more can?The whole week there's no dae that I din study or do my hw. -sigh- Ok,that's it I think.Hope Saturdae comes soon...
--Both Of Them Are Nice--[finally] =)
Heya....
Ok,Im so hapi 2dae 4 many reasons.
Glad wif myself fer...u noe...sorta being successful in letting my head rule over my heart and also coz of NPCC 2dae.NPCC totallie rox!!Watched Resident Evil yesterdae.The movie soo cool manx..Morning I went 2 practise mi switch-side window.Good.I had 6 successful attempts n no failures.Den,I was lyk walking back when this person in pants n red t-shirt stopped n stared at me.When I looked at the person's face,I stopped immediately.Then,so blurr.Donno what to do.Itz Candy ma'am.Lolz.Then saw Cynthia.She is freaking cute.Then we were hugging n suddenly Yongni ma'am came.We were lyk...omg!!Yongni ma'am saw us hugging den walk away.Hahaha.Many,many things abt that ma'am but I dont wanna tell pple abt my experiance wif her.So embarressing.Aiyo...Muz trust me that I haf learned how not o be obsessed even if pple r so cute/chio/shuai or wateva that u can go krazy.Finally,I've learnt.Looking fer a nice blogskin but actually got no time.Haven finish hw somemore!Geez..ok byez...
I reallie need to say something to someone.No guts to go up to the person to tell her-"Get ur freaking face outta my life coz I hate u!U'll neva get me even when u want me!F*** off!!"
*Pple,dun be so stupid n think the msg above is fer u kaes?It myt be 4 u or it myt not.Itz meant fer 1 person only.
>>I love this poem...
I love you more than life itself
But I'm afraid to love.
My heart is like the fragile wings
Of a tiny little dove.
I'm scared to get too close.
I feel that I can't win.
You'll love me for a little while
Then you'll set me free again.
I've lived so long on hopes and dreams
I don't know what to do.
I don't think I can trust my heart,
For it belongs to you.
I know you'll only hurt me
Yet, I still keep running back.
Between the paths of our hearts
There's a worn and beaten track.
You've got my heart held on a string.
It's breaking right in two.
Enough belongs to me -to hurt-
The rest belongs to you.
I know that somewhere in your heart
There is a place for me.
I just don't know how to find it
And there's no way to make you see.
I can only hope that someday
You'll wake up and you'll find,
That while my heart belongs to yours,
Yours, too, belongs to mine.
By:Tamra L.noe
Im so ashamed of myself can?Er...ok.Went to Lot1 wif Malini yesterdae.The place lyk totally changed!Nice.Then,I was shopping at this shop when I turned around n saw her dere! OMG! I was so freaked!So..my dream came true lyk 25% I guess.My dreams always cum true by at least 10%.Special person.Haha.But ma'am was not dere.I dun really miss her coz I see her in my dreams almost everydae.Was smsing Filzah. YaY! She neva changed.Unlike some others hu changed.Oh ya,coming back to Lot1.OK,I didnt wanna run away but my legs ran.So I ran.Hello?She's not ma'am so y did u run??I donno.She used 2 run away frm me n now I'm running frm her.It was real CRAP manx..I avoid her n den when she's gone,I wish I can see her.
"Knock,Knock!! Shamita are u ok?U didnt say hie to a person u lyk soo much u noe?"
Yeah,I think I'm outta my brains.Isnt it rude not 2 say hie to sm1 u noe?But,I cant juz be blaming myself coz she didnt say hie 2 me 2.[which i sorta expected]And after seeing her,my whole trip was lyk spoilt coz I cudnt take me her outta my mind.N Malini was so pissed I think.She was laughing at her 2.So bad...I also saw Sangeeta.WoW!So sexy ready...N I totally changed.I dun dress up the way I used 2.I saw Huiqin frm 3S3.She is chio+shuai.Both. Lolz.Den,when I was gonna leave,saw her at Macs.I hate myself u noe.I wish I cud peep at her 4eva.Afterall,she has caused me soo much of hurt n pain.I thought she'll be by my side 4eva.Itz all false hopes.N I can STILL lyk her??!!
I'll 4get abt her fer sure.FER SURE.I miss lyf last time.So nice wif frens n Syawal.N the games we play wif Hidayat although I still hate him.Now,got nobody 2 play wif lyk dat.N when I liked Syawal,I dont think he was this bad 2 me..Aiya...enuff la..I've got enuff frm her.Really.In order 2 4get her I've 2 avoid her.Which is soo not possible.Dun wanna tok abt her.
Haven done hw...Still got soo many left.YaY!2moro haf NPCC.I cant wait 2 see ma'am n secret fren.I muz tell her what r pple doin to me.Cant wait fer NPCC..
I'll Never Love Anyone The Way I love You...
GREAT!
Now,I'm disturbing BOTH of u'll eh??
C-R-A-P.
Er....whateva.I'm not gonna bother myself abt u'll.I only luv her...That I'll neva gif up on her n now I dont even wanna 4get her.Her memory keeps me alive..
Incase both of u'll read my blog,I wanna say sori coz itz lyk very rude.No offence to u guys ok?Im juz pissed wif...I donno. +peace+
Din blog properly fer so many daes.I noe.Feeling much betta after everything is over.*phew*Yay!!I'm gonna complete my holidae hw!!Nowadays,she appears in my dream frequently.Even yesterday.She so shuai even in my dreams...When will all my dreams come true??Er..maybe she isnt that professional afterall.Coz in my dream...she say she gonna teach me how 2 do THAT.N can u belief it,I agreed!Who wun??Erm...betta not live in dreams.Coz dreams,especially my dreams,will neva happen.But,who knows?It myt happen 1 day.Not while shes in Crez.Fer sure.
I'm glad 2 say that I'm forgetting her.Coz after all these days,she doesnt realize how much I lyk her,or she noes,but she is soo bad 2 ignore me.I'm 4getting her...=) I followed what ma'am said,let ur head rule over ur heart.Thankew ma'am but dun try 2 make me 4get THAT ma'am.Coz I dun tink itz possible.
Anything else??Uh...that's it I think.I miss u lyk hell ma'am.Everyday I look at ur pic,so I still get to see u in the pic n in my dreams tooa.Almost everyday,u appear in my dream.Lolz.I got the pic of her squad very close to her.How I wish she was my nco...But,not being supportive,I haf 2 best ncos who r always there fer me.Not lyk some others who dont even bother despite knowing how much I lyk dem.Hur...4get it!Sick n tired readi...
Everyone enjoy ur holidaes!!!
Argh....I hate life...
Thaya ma'am n Xiao Yuan ma'am:A great big thankew to u guys fer helping ok...
Everybody else:Thankew..
Not in the mood to blog...I have lost faith in everything....
Hey...
M so stressed...Dont wanna tok abt my life ryt now...It reallie makes me feel worse.But at least the problems are better than b4.Coz of my dad...Thankew Daddy...Yesterdae I sorta broke the lock n took my confiscated handphone.Enuff abt all this crap lah.
Thaya ma'am & XY ma'am:Thankew fer being around fer me..Both of u'll are the best ncos...
Masliana:Thankew fer teaching me abt the law...Lolz...
Malikka:Thankew fer ur listenin ear....
N...not in the mood to blog...Bubye....
I'VE DONE SOMETHING THAT I SHUD NOT HAF DONE!!
I noe itz wrong but I had no other choice at that time.I cant be telling everyone abt this so yeah.Itz just something even a 17 yrs old gal wont do.N my parents r freaking pissed wid me.I asked myself at that time:die or jus run.I wish I can die without pain.But it isnt possible so ya.I m so very troubled n pressured n I know I let my ma'ams down by doing this.But I had no other choice.N as fer my parents...I haf no comment.I haf lost faith in everyone n everything except chiobu n all my ma'ams.Coz at this very point I wanna tok 2 them.Where r they?My hp is not wid me pple.So dont sms me.Their no.s are in it so I can neva kol them or sms.Then how??It myt be the last dae I live in this wold or whateva.I dont think I'll be that foolish.Jus....can I jus sae my life totallie sux??
Chiobu:pls kol me.pls.Not my house coz I'm not there.Kol the number I haf e-mailed u.I noe u r troubled 2 but I've got no choice...Pls kol yeah?I confide in u...
Cynthia:Ur sucha cute gal.Miss ya loads....
Ma'ams:Sori fer letting u guys down.Sori...Take care n Happy holidaes!
That's it I guess....Pple hapi holidaes.
Hello...
Feeling so sad so decided 2 blog.She made me cry.She reallie made me cry.I donno ok.I cant read pple's minds.I m not super woman.I wish I had neva seen these pple.Not coz they r bad but coz...they make me sad.Enuff abt these pple.
Cant u see the hope in my eyes??The pain n the sadness in it too??Wont any1 ever understand me n help me??
Huilin,I noe u reading this.U r confused ryt??Nevamine ok?Sori I neva kol u Ms.Ye anymore.Coz I haf neva treated u lyk mi teacher.Haha.Ur art class,theres this Shakir boi.Take care of him yeah?He very cute...
We will be changing classrooms.Tsk.So tired manx..Haven done hw.I dont wanna do.Secret fren haven kol me somemore.I cant tell her what I m going thru now.
NF lyks yn ma'am.Tsk.Tsk.So,Im not the only one goin krazy lyk this.I dont wanna mix wid snrs animore liaos...But my frens r lyk so....nerdy?Shouldnt say frens.Should say....itz juz u ok.The gal who sits beside me in class.Can u lyk be more...life is not juz studying ok.Thats what I can tell u.Be a normal person can?
Im feeling so sad that I wish no need to wake up frm here.No need 2 go back.No need 2 see anyone.When I say anyone ryt,I mean ANYONE.I cannot be lyk this...Hafta go n get on wid life....My life doesnt revolve around this pple...N I muz get over this hopeless quest(S) of luv....
+I.hate.my.life+
Ya whateva....
Ok...Im lyk hapi?Nah,I m freaking sad n angry wid myself.I knew she doesnt lyk me.I noe.Mass run sec 1 n 2 run 2gether.So nice.Overtook many snrs n I completed in lyk...juz lesser time than b4.Then...did sci test.Quite ok lorx...Lessons were boring as usual.After sch,had 2 go look fer Ms.Tan to take english test.Was kinda dreamy.Then suddenly chiobu kol me.I was lyk..."u calling me?ME?!"Yeah...lyk dat.I cudnt belief lorx..In the end,Ms.Tan din come.Then she ask me go wid her.I ask her y so suddenly after sucha long time she tok 2 me.She say coz she gif me black face that day.Aint she lyk giving me that kinda face evryday?!But at least she toked to me.It reallie made me so happy.I was lyk following her lorx.2dae saw so many ma'ams.Unlucky day can?I hafta greet every1 of them.So scared...Watz Miss.Tan gonna sae?Hm ma'am really chio.CHIO.Then saw chiobu n ma'am at MRT again liaos...Ya...dont wanna tok abt it can?Juz that ma'am is very nice.She totallie rox can?Enuff abt 2dae.Sick n tired of life ready.Enuff.I wanna get over them ok?Itz reallie killing me.
>>Say so if u dont lyk me<<
>>Dont gif me false hopes<<
Hie....
2dae is a very sad dae.Morning....nthing interesting happened.Hm ma'am's command is cool.Ok maybe not kool but itz juz nice in a special way.No ma'ams haf ever said command lyk her.Enuff abt her I think.Im actually in sch now.I stay back fer fun.Mandy ma'am n her fren((np)) are here.Alot of mi squaddies also.I greet ready.Then...Creative Arts.We watch "Kal Ho Naa Ho".I seriously cant belief I cried.Cry so much.Lolz.Alot of pple cry actually.Amelia used up 2 packets of tissues.Haha.Recess saw ma'am.I thought I got over her.Itz not true lorx...So sad.When m I gonna get over this hopeless quest of one-sided love??A luv that takes but does not gif is what secret fren said.She said itz draining me of feelings.She said Im living everything but feeling nthing except fer her.Which is 100% true can?Ms Goon suddenly doesnt appeal 2 me animore liaos...Haha.Saw ma'am juz now in the canteen.Was looking at her.I felt so sad suddenly.I donno y.Juz so sad that even when secret fren walked pass I din do anything.Yeah.I was thinking of her fer a very long time after that.Then chiobu walked past my class.My feeling:I felt sumthing pierce thru my heart.Reallie.((kinda lame act.))I juz cant accept reality she thinks that I.....Oh!SHE smsed me yeaterday.Asking me to go 4 plastic surgery.Y shud I do it fer someone wid no...nevamind.Squaddie told me sumthing abt ma'am.I knew it man!I knew she was lyk that.I juz thought I shud trust her n 4got abt it till she saw it again.Nothing except she herself can convince me that itz not true ok.Cmon itz reallie sick fer her 2 be lyk that.Juz wait till I see it myself n Im gonna advice her.Although shes my ma'am.Pple r seeing ok?!N I care abt her.So...yeah.Raining.How to go back?2moro muz take eng test.Summary.Hope I haf enuff time.Not many hw 2dae.I juz wanna get over these 2 pple.She will be by my side.I noe.But even if I manage to get over these pple,they will 4eva remain special 2 me.Ok....that's it I think.Myt blog again l8er.
##U.R.A.SICKO##
Heya....
Ok mom's gonna be back so gotta make it fast.Morning I was sick.What to do.Hafta go sch what.Then....very boring.I was lyk dreading every minute.Recess went to NF to ask her if she lyk secret fren.She was lyk so shy.EEEWwW!!Reallie crook man!Den,ma'am saw me.She actually noe watz happening lorx...As usual,boring lessons start.Den...assembly.Saw Heiman ma'am.Her command ok la.She so chio can?Oh ya.Ms Goon so shaui....Then went 2 mobil.Saw ma'am dere.Whoa....She so damn chio...I greeted her n was so squeesy ryt.She hit me.She VERY VERY chio.Got over that ma'am I think.I din feel luv fer her when I saw her.Then...at mobil,I throw all my things n went after her.So chio...Reallie chio...Den told secret fren abt this.She was lyk "I rather u be krazy abt her than dis ma'am"After I went home,was chatting wid secret fren fer a VERY long time.Lyk 2 half hrs.Oh!Saw chiobu.Told her that I FAIL d&t cmmn test.She was....lifeless.Reactionless better.I reali wanted 2 let pple noe I got over ma'am.Unfortunately,I realize I haven fully gotten over her.So sad....Still lyk her liaos...U r reallie chio ma'am....That's all.Nothing much 2dae.Dread life lah..So tiring.Donno the snrs how.Ok....so bye.
^^u.r.damn.chio^^
~luv.u~
Hey....
Finished most of the things except studying fer sci test.I found out something else that I shouldn't haf known.Cant tell abt who.The person say itz coz of me that she become a crook.I donno.I cant help but laugh.But itz lyk so bad....Coz she has been helping me all this while.But in a way,itz good coz the person she lyks will be very happy.She will neva make me hapi.Enuff abt her.Then...u noe,I cant tell this here but I feel as if I reallie need a guy/fren.B4 I reallie become......yeah.Ok,gotta go.Byez....
Hello.....
Din go 2 sch again.Sick again.Duh...2dae's entry is gonna be kinda boring coz I din go to sch.Home is so boring.Nothing to blog but will blog aniwae.Miss Malikka n all my ma'ams alot.I didnt wear that lame hat of mine down 2dae.No one will see it. ~Yipee!~ I haven done it anyway.Miss Science test 2day.Good.Got xtra time 2 prepare.That's all.Such a short n boring entry.I took the stupid medicine that the doctor gave.EEEIIIYYYEEERRR!!!It tastes lyk poison.No choice what.Ok....so.....bye!!!
===I.miss.u.guys===
Hey....
Incase it makes any1 feel better,I m feeling not a single bit better now.All coz of many different things.Yeah.
Secret Fren:Thanx fer trying to cheer me up anyway.N don wori coz I'll neva tell any1 hu u r.L8er u in deep shit again.Sori fer being the reason fer u to get scolded by u.noe.hu on Saturday ok?
Only finish D&T hw so far.Got so mnay left n itz alreadi 6 plus.I dont feel lyk doing anithing except lie down on my bed n cry.If I continue being lyk that....yeah.I seriously wish I can disappear.Somewhere where I wun face all this.I haf faced reality ok.N it hurts.It reallie hurts from deep down inside.But I hafta do this to be hapi in future n also to make the person I lyk hapi.Enuff lah.By braging abt my life lyk this,I m gonna make this blog very boring.N I noe that even if I brag abt things,nothing is gonna change....I m sorta lyk angry wid my frens coz of their inability to understand me.All they do is study.That's all their care abt.How can pple be lyk this?!No sense of "coolness" at all.But I guess its ok.I appreciate them fer what they are.
Secret Fren:I donno how I wud haf coped without u.Thanx alot yeah??
That's it I think.Not that I wanna go or sumthing.Itz I hafta go study fer Science test.I cant wait fer the holidays.I'll haf a week to get over all my stress.
Right now,I m thinking if my life cud get any worser than this.Can it??
((I.don.wanna.be.in.this.freaking.world.animore))
I wish....
I wish I can walk away.Walk away to a place where no one will ever be able to find me.To a place out of this world.Out of this universe.To a place where I will be hapi n neva need to return.
I've had enuff.I've had enuff from her frens.The way they treat me lyk crap n I'll be some goody gal n not say anithing in return.All coz of her.Coz I wanna be wid her.But,now I tink itz enuff.She doesnt reallie gif a damn abt me 2.N going thru all this fer her....Izzit worth-while??I celebrated my burfdae yesterdae n they hafta make me so miserable yesterday.Dont they haf a heart?She koled me yesterday.It was a big surprise.Reallie.I was very glad.But our converstion din make me very happy.I cant belief that the person hum I reali love n trust think that I haressed her!OMG.Whatz happening in this world?!M I haressing her??Maybe,maybe not.Itz how she thinks.But whicheva way she thinks,I donno.I've juz had enuff.I wish I dont hafta be in this world.I wanna go somewhere where I neva need to go thru all this...I jus dislyk the place I m in now.But I wanna come back every Saturdae fer NPCC.Thats how much I lyk NP.Therez only 1 person hu will understand me n gif me solutions that can happen.The reason y Im not that close to my frens coz they do listen but they're solutions r those kind which is nearly impossible to happen.Told my secret fren that chiobu said that snrs think I suck up to them.She said that I dont n that many snrs also think that she suck up.I donno abt that ok.I cant belief she thought I was haressing her.I'm her cadet n she doesnt trust me?!Yeah I noe Im not important to her but still.....itz juz wrong.2moro Science test.Y do we always haf tests?Y is the world so unfair to me?WHY!? I dont care,Im gonna gif up on her.Itz not worth lyking her so much n hafing so much of confidence in her.Can I juz disappear 2nite?Can?Why cant I let her go??I'm sure there's more to life.Furthermore,I dont think she even noes me.I feel lyk crying out loud.I'm juz 13 ok?I cant even show pple that Im crying except my secret fren.N abt the rumour abt her...I dont think itz true.But pple make it sound as if itz true.I donno.Y do the pple I love make my life so hard fer me?I will neva quit NP fer her ok?I will neva.I donno y my parens are here.Fer what?!They dont noe anything.Even my secret fren has the heart to kol me n ask me how I m.It shows how much she cares for me.N my mom dont want me to tok 2 her juz coz she's so much elder.Itz not fair ok.Itz not.What r parens 4 when they dont even noe what I need?!I love NP so much n they dislyk NP so much.Everything I do is wrong.Whateva!I juz cant take life animore!!
>>My LiFe SuCkS 2 tHe cOrE<<
::I.wanna.disappear.into.thin.air::
Hello....
2dae iz my burfdae party.Not that fun lorx...Coz I am sick 2dae.Getting sick alot nowadays.Went fer NP despite my condition.N XY ma'am was lyk...Im so touched by u. ~Yipee!!~ Zakiah ma'am din come 2dae.She went fer promo.We had to do punishment 2dae.I was excluded coz sick.We had very tough drill 2dae.But so cool.Den they all play soccer.I was going around wid the first aid box.Haha.Den went 2 bkt panjang plaza wid Iffah.Take neo-print wid her.Shes lyk so sweet to bring me there n tell me take wateva I want.As burfdae prezzie.Den...was so tired after I came back.Smsed XY ma'am after that n cant tell wat happened after that.I think shes nice....Yeah.Den,Malikka koled me.I din noe it was her.I thought it was Thaya ma'am.When I found out itz Malikka,I cant explain my feeling.I din chat fer a very long time.But she actualli told me alot of things abt seniors thinkin of me as a suck up.I got no comment.N I dont wanna tok abt our convo.It juz makes me even sadder.N I proofed to some pple that I m not a.....yeah.That's it.Gotta entertain guests in my house.Reallie so sad by everithing.
^^WaTz wRoNg wId pEoPLe??^^
Heya...
Din blog yesterdae coz not allowed to use the net.Anywayz,I found out something about Zakiah ma'am that I reali should not haf known.But,I dont belief it 100%.It has a high chance of being true.Alot of proof u noe.I'm lyk so disgusted.Initially,I was hapi((dont ask y)) but now...I m ....I donno. Sometimes I m hapi abt it sometimes I m not.Actually I shd not be hapi.I alreadi suspected it aniwae.But itz juz so weird.I reallie haf enuff of dis whole thing.Itz killing me.2dae Ms Chua shouted.Can u belief it?!Den,saw ma'am at recess.So...I din feel the love animore.Dat's all.Saw chiobu too.We onli tok a while...Chiobu r u ok??Are u avoiding me or sumthing??Din go to sch yeaterdae....Coz was sick.Den went clinic lorx..Went back to South View yesterday.Wid Renu.So nice.Saw Shariff,Syafiq n Shakir.Sha,Sha,Sha...Justin Gonzales lyk shit now.Reallie lyk shit.He has always been lyk shit.Haha.Saw Mrs Lazar,Mdm Rathai,Mdm Parames,Mrs Chan,Ms Ye,Mrs Chandra n blah,blah.Saw my jnrs.They all lyk grown ups.I sorta miss Mrs Lazar's scolding coz...I noe she cares abt mi.But now...No one lorx..Mrs Lazar is reali ok now.Nice teacher.Mrs Chandra oso.Mrs Chan so chio now.Reali damn Chio...Mrs Chandra was tokin abt my tamil teacher.*sigh*Shes not bad....She's juz....not nice n not bad.Yeah.Mrs Lazar say got a glow in my face coz of my ma'ams.I agree.They changed my life totalli.I dont exactly miss the sch but miss the pple in dere.Saw Syawal's ex-gal.She is in Fajar sec.Syawal oso.Who cares??Mrs Lazar say itz gd that I dont lyk boys.Lolz...Renu was kinda lyk angry wid Mrs Lazar fer that.She said that I muz lyk boys.But they r so....useless[[not all]].Gals hu r lyk bois better.Haha.2dae in the MRT I so embarressed.Hidayah ma'am came in n I was lyk..."Gd afternoon ma'am" Every1 started looking at mi.Oh mi gosh!Nevamine.I m a very good NP cadet.Haha.I wanna become lyk my ma'am's in future.Gd in everithing.That's it I guess...NP 2moro.Crez NP very well known.Alot of pple in South View say that Crez NP very strong.Duh,everyone noes that.Ok,I betta go offline b4 my mom starts nagging.Pple come to mi burfdae party 2moro yeah??
***CrEsCeNt NpCc RoX 2 tHe CoRe!!***
Hie...
So....Hapi Burfdae Shamita!!
Very lame ryt??Aniwaes...got prezzies frm Rachel n Deb((2 sweet angels in 2c1))Den,Marion also gave me keychain.Den...Shamini gaf me photoframe.
Rachel n Deb:Thanx alot!!U guyz reallie rock!!
Marion:Thanx Marion.Fer ur gift n hug.
Shamini:Thanx yeah??
Pple who have wished me:Thanx alot!!
Pple who hugged me:Thanx alot!!U'll reallie rawk!
Pple who jus made me feel hapi:Thanx...I luv u guyz
2day I saw HER frm lyk far away.So she din kol me freak.At least she spare me fer a dae.Lolz.Den...got creative arts.We see hindi movie.So nice...Amelia cried lyk....she juz cried alot.Alot as in reallie ALOT.So funny.Mrs Gam absent so din get scolded. ~yipee!~ Tired of being C.A rep.Wanna resign.Lolz.Den...recess.Dont wanna elaborate abt ma'am story cz l8er she pissed.I donno.I tink she pissed wid me now.Coz of my big mouth lah.Go n tell her that Im hapi coz I saw her.Now she pissed!Aiyo...She neva reply my sms back.I very scared.Chiobu...pls dont be pissed wid me.Toked 2 Malikka at vending machine.So hapi also.Year book so cool u noe.Chiobu wid long hair.Haha.Chiobu u reallie look lyk teddy bear.Don wori I wont tell ur name out.So...don be embarressed or wateva n dont be pissed wid me pls....Sori ya?I promise not to go krazy over her n not 2 run after her.Sori...Went library wid Shamini n Denise.Denise so bouncy.Haha.Borrowed some bks den saw Monica.Went 2 canteen wid her n saw ma'am again.I reali hafta to gif up on her.I tink nxt time I muz try not 2 even lyk her as my ma'am.I will try.Was tokin abt her.Din realize Nurul ma'am in the toilet.Aiyo...Made a fool of myself!Den....went back home.2moro got summary.I muz not fail.Rach failed ct.So sad.Den...yeah.That's all.Not so hapi burfdae this year.My mom nagging.I hate life at home.I seriously hate life here in hell((my home)).
***Happy Burfdae Shamita***
===Get Over Her===
Hey...
2day has been....not so fun n not so bad.In between.Today got English test n most of the class din noe.Including me.So it was lyk a sudden test.Itz better than 1st one.Shall start frm morning.Sick in the morning.No choice.Hafta go sch.Then mass run.That "debater" fell down.She was lyk rolling away.I was running then I saw her.I was gonno laugh but decided not to cz I plan to finish running b4 9 mins.N I did!!So hapi.I dont lyk stopping during mass run cz l8er I very tired to run again.Ran wid Brenda 2day.Nthing interesting 2day.Except during assembly.I reali lyked that opera.Lolz.But I was also lyk looking at ma'am many times.Glad 2 see her hapi.I tink the witch is reali scary.REALLIE.I saw the witch comin n I was so afraid.Donno what 2 do.I wanted to stand up n run but my din wanna make a fool of myself.So damn frightening u noe...Den...peer leading.As usual,it was filled wid laughter.But Hannah din come 2day.Jiayi was here.We played a game.I noe itz lame but we still did enjoy.I was the one fainted.But I open my eyes.I was looking at the peer leader nxt door.Sec 3 ma'am.She's very strict u noe...Greeted her onli after peer session.Den...I was waiting outside sch when HER fren came.When she pass by me she say freak.Seriously,Cant this pple get a life of their own?Afterall,I dont even noe her!I donno.Some snrs jus cant be described.So far I onli noe of 1 lyk dat.Haha.Every1 is nice 2 me.N I m nice 2 them.2moro is mi b'day.But I m not hapi.2moro I hope 2 get Malikka's letter n see ma'am.That's enuff fer me I tink.Then....pple,muz come 2 mi party this saturday yeah??So bored...Gonna order b'day cake.2moro ryt,I don reali expect things frm pple but I expect HUGS.Pple wanna gif me hugs,do so.It will be the best burfday prezzie.Especially if 1 of my ma'ams gif it 2 me.Ok...dont dream.Got year bk.Looked out fer 2 pple 1st.They both very cute.Especially the elder one.So outstanding cz of her smile.My maid was lyk laughing at "dat" ma'am.She say dat the ma'am reali look lyk boi.I agree.Cz I ever ask her b4.So silly ryt??That was b4 I join NP.Everitime I go fer assembly,I get reminded of 1 thing n will cry.Itz ma'am.The 1st assembly I din noe how 2 tie my tie n I was goin lyk"Can u juz help me tie this?" to her.She agreed wid her sweet smile n tied it fer me.The 1st n the last time I was close 2 her.Won't the day ever come back again??Im longing fer it.
---Lost.in.dis.freakin.world---
Hie...
In computer lab now.Ok,I was wrong that SHE was nice to me.Coz she isn't...N I think her comment went thru me.Donno if I'll 4gif her.I will.I need 2 go n check myself.Seriously.Reallie.Juz now,I went krazy.Couldn't control myself.Real KRAZY.I saw her n yeah.I was lyk so sad all the while rite?How can I become so happy suddenly?Need 2 go n check.Maybe I reallie m a freak!I hate myself fer being lyk dat.She koled me a freak ryt...maybe I m.No.Cannot think lyk this.My ma'ams haf taught me to haf confidence in myself.Particularly Zakiah ma'am.She mite haf forgotten.I donno.I really needed to tok 2 XY ma'am coz I couldn't control myself.I saw her onli at the end of recess.Still toked to her a while.Pple say itz ok fer me to tok 2 her coz she's my nco.Not tokin abt nonsense ofcourse.I haf proof that my ma'am is betta than my parens n even fren.She knew that I haf been crying alot.How cool is that??N I told her everithing.Abt how I m stressed n affected emotionally.U noe wat she told me?She asked me if I still lyk Zakiah ma'am.I said no.She said she tinks that I reallie lyk Zakiah ma'am frm deep down my heart.I donno but...I lyk her as my ma'am fer sure.My burfday is lyk 2 days away n I'm so sad or happy.I donno.I passed Mth test.I passed!So glad.I neva let my role model down. ~yipee!~Cant use the net on weekdays animore.M grounded.I hate my life.I jus hate my life!Mayb I'll get 2 use on my b'day.Aniway,Pple,my burfday party is on the the 6th of march.Itz @ around 4 or 5pm.So if any1 wanna come inform me ASAP.Not paying attention during cs.Nvm.I reallie need to blog or I'll burst.Pui sheen wans 2 read my blog ready.I guess that's it.I'm sad again now.If I see her I'll be overhappy.Donno how.
*I've.gone.krazy*
*Need.2.go.4.a.checkup*
*I.m.a.NPCC.freak*
Shamita;
Her Wishes;
04teen;
030391;
Crescent;
3C3;
thatlove_@hotmail.com
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